


The CONTINUING Masochistic Adventures of Ford and Arthur

by klatukatt



Category: Borderlands, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-23
Updated: 2016-04-18
Packaged: 2018-05-22 21:51:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6095170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/klatukatt/pseuds/klatukatt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What was supposed to be an anniversary trip turns into a crash landing to no one's surprise. How will these two hitchhikers fare on the harsh world of Pandora?</p><p>Ford and Arthur from the BBC mini series.<br/>Post "Tales from the Borderlands" so expect spoilers!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Welcome to Pandora

**Author's Note:**

> Based on [this challenge:](http://klatukattdreams.tumblr.com/post/139679178530/tumblr-nerds-i-have-a-challenge-for-you)  
> Basically, mash up your first fandom with your current obsession. My earliest (and favorite) fanfic I ever wrote was [The Masochistic Adventures of Ford and Arthur](https://m.fanfiction.net/s/2303293/1/The-Masochistic-Adventures-of-Ford-and-Arthur) and this fic is the flash-forward continuation.
> 
> This will be multiple chapters and don't worry, it will get smutty.

The first thing Arthur felt when he popped the escape hatch was blistering heat. His sense of smell, the most reliable way to judge a new planet, told of an arid desert climate with more things burning than just their crash site.

Arthur sighed. This wasn’t the best way to start a vacation but it wasn’t a surprise. He went back down into the wrecked junker to pull out the semi-conscious Ford as well as the emergency crash pack he had already prepared.

Ford was not as delicate as he seemed. The crash hadn’t really harmed him but melodramatic acting was one of his hobbies. 

They grouped on the shady side of the smoldering ship, Ford pretending to be injured and Arthur pretending to care for him, and waited for the sun to set before setting out across the burning sands.

“We must be well out of the way,” Arthur remarked. “I can’t call up a single on The Guide.”

“I told you I’d take you somewhere special.” Ford gave Arthur as sultry smile.

“Yes, for our anniversary,” said Arthur dryly. Dry was the only way he spoke. “I don’t know how you keep track of it with all the time distortion and dimension jumping.”

Ford climbed up into Arthur’s lap. “I keep track by how many heartbeats since I met you.”

Arthur gave him a quick kiss and a slap on the face. “Don’t get sappy with me.”

The echo of gunshots reached their ears and Ford slithered of Arthur’s lap into a position less intimidating to potential new friends.

By the time the buggy ground to a halt in front of them their hands were high in the air. These were not friends.

“Don’t shoot!” Arthur yelled.

“We have no money, weapons, or valuables,” Ford shouted.

“Aw, what use are you then?” drawled one voice from the open top car.

“Hang on, I think they might be lyin’.” The biggest figure jumped off and headed toward the couple, shotgun raised.

“Ford, they’re wearing masks.” No matter how many times this happened Arthur still felt terrified. “Should we be wearing masks?”

“The atmostphere isn’t toxic. Maybe they’re all horrendously ugly and will hail us as gods.” Ford was jokingly scared, so 8/10.  
The big guy was at least wearing a jacket unlike the shirtless men hanging off the roll cage of the vehicle. He shoved the shotgun at Arthur causing Ford to roll his eyes.

“You fellas from Elpis?” he slurred through his mask.

“Elpis? Haven’t heard of that one,” Arthur said simply.

“That big flipping moon, jackass. The only fools that come from past the moon are Vault Hunters and-” cue disgusting laugh “-you don’t look like Vault Hunters.”

“Nope!” said Ford, throwing himself around Arthur’s waist. “We’re just a young couple looking for a lovely vacation spot on this little planet, which is called, by the way?”

“Pandora.” A new voice rang out from the corner of the ship. It was a casual-looking dark-skinned young woman. “Lay off the new meat, will yah?”

“Well well well.” The biggun turned his shotgun to the woman. “You must be ‘Sheriff Fiona’.”

“Actually, I’m Sasha. That’s Fiona.”

Before the man could move a tiny gunshot sounded and his face exploded with acid. He went down fast. Like magic, Sasha had a gun in her hands and was spattering the buggy with bullets. It peeled out but only made it 50ft before exploding.

The boys heard a cough from above them and looked up to see another woman looming down at them.

“Welcome to Pandora.” Fiona smiled.


	2. Two

Ford and Arthur immediately fell to bickering.

“You owe me another drink,” said Ford with folded arms and a smirk.

“As I have explained before, I am not responsible for the judgments of others regarding our height difference,” sighed the much taller Arthur. “Besides, you really must retire that ‘young lovers’ line.”

“Young couple,” Ford corrected. “It implies a serious relationship. We are serious, aren’t we?”

“You have never been serious, and you are certainly not young.”

Fiona coughed. “Um, hello? Just saved your life and made a pretty impressive entrance. Some thanks would be nice.”

Arthur turned around and squinted at Fiona. She was only slightly dramatically backlit but Arthur’s eyes were going. “Yes, thank you miss, I mean Sherriff?”

Fiona laughed and jumped the eight feet in front of them. “Sheriff is a strong word. Sasha calls herself an Enforcer. But me? I’m a Vault Hunter.”

There was a glimmer in Fiona’s eye that made Arthur hate to do this. “I don’t know what that is.”

“Neither do I,” Ford butted in with a playfully indignant frown. “And I’ve been to so many more planets than him!”

“Are you kidding me?” Sasha popped up behind the couple. “They’ve been recruiting Vault Hunters from as far as the Eden system! What rock are you from?”

Ford and Arthur didn’t exactly look at one another but they spoke at the same time. “We don’t like to talk about it—” “—doesn’t exist anymore.”

Their casual smiling faces stuttered the sisters usual ‘shock and awe’ tactics. “All right, then we won’t talk about it,” Fiona concluded.

Ford smiled his shit eating psudo smile. “Look, just get us to a space port and we’ll be out of your hair within two or three days.”

Sasha snorted but Fiona nodded seriously. “Oh yeah, spaceport. Sasha, let’s take them to the super secret space base.”

~~~

The “spaceport” was the crashed space station Helios, aka the only civilized city on the face of Pandora for the past twenty years.

Fiona tried relaying this information as the two newbies huddled in the back of the new and improved caravan but was unable to impart much as their communication seemed to consist entirely of light touches, poignant eye contact, and quiet words that were understandable but made no sense to Fiona.

The caravan screeched to a halt and a large welcome party came to receive them, including a shy familiar face.

“Welcome back!” yelled Vaughn as he rushed to help Sasha down from the caravan. “I thought you’d be gone for weeks since Fiona asked you to help on a mission!”

Sasha excepted the help but not the praise. “We came back with a couple of refugees. Maybe you can help them?”

Ford exited the caravan with his hands high in the air. “We have no money, weapons, or valuables,” Ford shouted. Arthur descended after, arms also aloft and eyes rolling heftily.

“Um, okay,” said Vaughn, suspicious of folk so urgent to surrender. “Did you actually search them though?”

Fiona appeared in the doorway casting a shadow of disinterest in all those upon the ground. “The only piece of tech they had was this garbage.” She threw the Guide to Vaughn.

“Hey! That’s mine!” Arthur complained.

“Oh no way!” Vaughn stroked the surface of the book carefully and at once it opened to a scrolling page only a hacker could understand. “I thought all of these were legend! This is your book?”

Ford immediately lowered his arms and slithered up beside Vaughn. “Actually I’m a writer for the Guide, and did you know, we have no entries on ‘Pahndoriah?’”

Arthur lowered his arms along with the rest of his body, sinking into a more familiar slouch. While the rest of the ‘Children of Hyperion’ chased in fascination after Vaughn and Ford, Fiona sensed something wrong in Arthur.

“Hey.” Fiona put her hand on Arthur’s shoulder. “Are you all right?”

“No, never,” was Arthur’s response. He grinned disturbingly at Fiona. “But who is?”

The crowd followed their leader, their saviors, and the two newbies into the wreck of Helios.


End file.
